Spanky's Place

People dress like crap. Granted, a hospital waiting room is not a formal catillion, but c'mon, do you have any pants that don't have holes in them?

There is a couple here with their baby, and I can't believe how young they look. He's wearing a UTI uniform shirt, she's in a halter top, and they both look 15. The baby is at least a year old.

There is a fellow here who looks and sounds just like Hank Hill. He is in a wheelchair also, and just came out of the XRAY room.

Lots of folks have nasty coughs, and seem unconcerned with the mucous dripping from their noses. Egads people, don't you have any self respect? Get a tissue or something.

There is a guy here wearing an Pope John Paul II t-shirt, and the shirt reminds me of a Bon Jovi concert shirt from the Joshua Tree tour. While that might not sound very interesting, what he is doing seems very odd. He has a backpack and heavy winter coat, and just pulled a tupperware container out of the backpack. This isn't a little container, it is big enough to hold an entire lasagna. While that might not seem that odd, stay with me here. The container is full of shredded tobacco. There has to be at least 1/2 a pound in there. He has a mechanical rolling machine, and is frantically rolling cigarettes. When I say frantically, I mean it. He is in a frenzy of cigarette creation. It looks like he is trying to set the world record for rolling speed.

There is another fellow arguing with his wife about the RV, and apparently she is going to be driving it the rest of the way to El Paso.

Jerry Springer is playing on TV, and the audience of his show looks a lot like the folks in this room. I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I have actually died and gone to Wal-Mart heaven.

The John Paul guy just noticed me watching the TV, and is now grinning at me like we are sharing some special secret. He comes up to me and asks me to keep an eye on his stuff while he goes and has a cigarette. Without waiting for an answer he turns around and walks out.

Speaking of cigarettes, I have noticed that every third or fourth person in here REEKS of cigarette smoke. I don't know if this is common to all waiting rooms, or just this special slice of hillbilly central.

The people here seem to fall into one of 3 sets: There are loners (like me) who are here by themselves. There are folks like the young couple who are here because they don't know what else to do. And then there are the families. I'm not talking about Mom, Dad, & baby. I'm talking about in-laws, cousins, third-uncles, and guy-I-knew in college groups. I'm sure that they are here to support somebody they love, and perhaps I'm just being a grouch, but I don't understand why bringing 30 people to the ER waiting room could ever seem like a good idea.

Everybody, including me, seems scared.

I'm not sure how much longer I can take this before I start screaming.

-Devin