Spanky's Place :: So, you think you're a badass?

Category Outdoors

Tough. Macho. Badass. Intestinal Fortitude. Ballsy. Strength of Will. Chutzpah. Moxie. Studly. Manly. Bold. Gigantic Balls of Brass. Who do you think of when you hear these words? Do you think of guys like Clint Eastwood, George Patton, Muhammad Ali, & Rambo? (Don't give me any crap about Rambo being a fictional character, he could kick your skinny little ass and we both know it). How about Ripley, Lindbergh, or Atilla the Hun?

Compared to a 73 year old grandfather from Keyna, all of them are wimps. Daniel M'Mburugu was tending his crops (he's a farmer) the other day, and was attacked by a leopard. (side note: While I deeply respect and appreciate farmers here in America, the next time I hear one of them bitching about how tough things are, I'm going to remind them that at least they don't have to worry about leopards).

Where was I? Oh yeah, Daniel M'Mburugu. So, this guy is working on his potatoes and beans, and this leopard attacks him. Luckily for him, Daniel had a machete. Now, here's the part that's gonna make all of you "tough guys" tinkle in your panties and cry to your mommies. He threw the machete down.

That's right. He. threw. it. down. Daniel M'Mburugu is such a badass that when he was attacked by a leopard, he figured "hell, If I use this machete, the fight will be over too quick, Lord knows that ain't much fun" and threw his machete down. He then proceeded to kill the leopard with his bare hands.

"So", you ask, "how did he do that?" Before I answer, let me remind you again that this is a 73 year old grandfather. The leopard was doing what leopards do: biting and mauling and scratching; generally putting the smack down on this old man.

So Daniel M'Mburugu ripped out the leopard's tongue with his bare hands. That's right, he reached down the leopard's throat, grabbed it's tongue, and ripped it right out. Then he chopped down a tree with his dick, shot lightning out of his hands to set it on fire, and cooked himself some leopard steaks.

You can read more about Daniel M'Mburugu here.

-Devin

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Comments

1 - ROTFLMAO!!! Bravo! To Daniel, of course, but also to you for telling his story with such style

-rich

Posted by Richard Schwartz At 01:46:11 PM On 06/29/2005 | - Website - |

2 - "A voice, which must have come from God, whispered to me to drop the panga (machete) and thrust my hand in its wide open mouth. I obeyed," M'Mburugu said.

holy crap. well, now i know what to do next time that happens... (listen for the voice of god, i think).

cool post man.

Posted by jonvon At 12:46:15 PM On 07/02/2005 | - Website - |

3 - Well, I guess us Daniels have the same character traits...'course I never pulled the tongue out of a leopard's piehole. Me, I just dodged 57mm anti aircraft fire in a helicopter, spending a lot of my time inverted. (Inverted in a helicopter? Hell yeah, pulling so many g's I was in the h's, besides, I had to be inverted, my Air Medals were dangling in my face.)

Get home before your birthday...your wife and I are working on a project for your present and she hasn't finished her end yet.

Love ya, bro.
Chopperdan

Posted by Dan, Your brother...dirtbrain (his REAL high school nickname!) At 11:52:19 PM On 07/09/2005 | - Website - |

4 - Always a great story-teller you are...but what is more disturbing than the story itself is that you actually have an illustration of a leopard eating someone's head on your blog.

Posted by Kollapse At 06:21:30 PM On 07/14/2005 | - Website - |

5 - "If I use my right [hand]... over too quickly."

Posted by Anonymous At 06:07:46 AM On 07/23/2005 | - Website - |

6 - LOL! Have you considered piracy as a new career choice?
-Devin

Posted by Devin Olson At 09:05:09 PM On 07/26/2005 | - Website - |

7 - I think you are such an idiot to narrate story of a brave man like a urban language of shit,,,,,,,,i think you are an idiot to use such a language and if you think that u have narrated it in a very interesting way then i think you should never write

Posted by Neha At 05:16:30 AM On 10/04/2005 | - Website - |

8 - Hey there Neha!

Thanks for reading! Thank you for your feedback regarding my writing quality; I think editorial suggestions from somebody who uses the letter "u" to represent the word "you" are especially helpful.

I'll keep your helpful comments in mind the next time I decide to set pen to paper. Drop me a line next time you're in town; we should do lunch.

Thanks again!
-Devin

Posted by Devin Olson At 09:43:23 AM On 10/04/2005 | - Website - |

9 -

Hey there Neha! I thought you might want to check out this description of Daniel M'Mburugu's mad skilz.